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Kirsty
Friday, July 04, 2008
8:42 pm EST
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 Subject: Hey Guys
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Message:
I am a frequent Vistor but never have the chance anymore to sit down and just write or reply to you guys I am a horrible friend am sorry i will do better! 
Whats new with Kirsty well... Erm  me and phil are in a crossroads in our relationship. I love him with all my heart and soul but I am so scared to let him in and I am not ready for the type of relationship he wants and even spending time with him now scares me. 
But i do love him its really messed up. 
Work is driving me absoulty crazy.
I hate my job the last 11 months have been horendous. I don't write about it much even in my journal because sometimes it amazes me how a company my size has such faults.
I have been through three Hr greivences and been bullied at work its really really been awful.
One of my managers told me I choose to be dyselixc. Yes like i choose to be disabled! and asked if there was a pill I could take and the other asked if Phil was intimate with me yet! 
Then our teams are yelling at each other all the time and during all that I lost my best friend. 
It will never ever stop hurting losing my best friend. I am coping alot better nowadays even with my ED. My "Eating Disorder" still kicks my butt but its okay because i am stronger now than i was.
As the saying goes Thank you to who tried to break me... because you made me stronger It is so true......
So I've been doing alot of thinking lately about my life I've put 7 nearly 8 years hard work in with my company but it's time to move on. I dont want to work for them anymore and me being a teacher seems to be unachivable.
My local college is offering a course in "Human Resources" and I would do that for two years and then do a year degree in bussiness training because as a bussiness trainer... I could reduce possibly hours at my work and work sat/sun 9am -5pm and study during the week. That would mean I wouldnt have to worry about phil at work and better myself. If i dont do it now i never will. I need to get out there and live my life.
What i said to phil tonight too... I do  him I just wish i knew how to show him without running scared xx
anyway enough ranting hope all is well
miss you all 
Kirsty x x x
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Crystal
Friday, July 04, 2008
9:11 pm EST
| RE: Hey Guys
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Message:
Hey Kirsty. 
BTW: My choices; Dress Number 1 and Shoes picture Number 2.
I read your Journal last night, was about to answer it but was too tired. I like your idea you had in there. 
You need more time to find yourself. I know we discussed it before but it is true. Your situation with Phil is like a situation I have in my life with Teeeeno. I love Teeeeeno. Teeeeeno wants to marry me any day I am ready. If I went to Teeeeno tonight and said "Let's Get Married" he would call the Church to be ready in two hours.
I'm not ready for marriage. I want to get my career set first. I want to climb the ladder in journalism.
Teeeeeno knows it's him I'm going to marry and give my virginity to but now isn't the time and place. It will happen.
You want a career, a feeling of belonging. Deep in your heart you love Phil but you want to get your feet on the ground. You need to feel settled. I do believe there will be a day you open yourself up to Phil and let him into your life. Right now you are not ready. Don't feel guilty about that. You have to please yourself.
Your working conditions are sick. They ARE awful people to work with.
I believe you should go back to school and set new goals. You have a void to fill in life and possibly it's a degree that will fill that void.
I'm sorry you lost your best friend.
I know you were close to him. He was a fantastic guy with the most beautiful first name.
It's FANTASTIC seeing you back!
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Cherieamour
Friday, July 04, 2008
10:45 pm EST
| RE: Hey Guys
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Message:
Hey Kirsty. That's terrible what goes on at your workplace. Aren't there any other managers higher up you can go to and complain? 
It looks like you have a great guy but it's better off not to force yourself into anything that is going to hurt you. He sounds like the kind of guy who is going to wait for you to decide what you want to do.
It's cool when you visit so visit more often.
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Erin
Saturday, July 05, 2008
12:24 am EST
| RE: Hey Guys
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Message:
Hey Kirsty. You need to get far away from that job. You can do so much better. You are intelligent. That company is holding you back. Jazzy go for a business degree. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.
I'm sorry to hear you lost your best friend.
You and your boyfriend love each other but your soul isn't fullfilled yet. It's like drinking one small cup of water when you are so thirsty you need eight cups. He needs to understand you have to fill your soul first and then you can think about sharing yourself with him in a relationship.
You're doing jazzy great and it's jazzy great seeing you back here again.
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Amber
Saturday, July 05, 2008
09:04 am EST
| RE: Hey Guys
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Message:
Hey Kirsty. Being abused at the work is never good. You need to get out for self esteem issues.
Your boyfriend will wait for you. Believe me, my boyfriend has.
You are going to be ok Kirsty.
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Diane
Saturday, July 05, 2008
09:12 am EST
| RE: Hey Guys
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Message:
Hi Kirsty! Ugh, your workplace sounds awful and you really need to get away. Such a horrible company does not deserve to have a great person like you working there.
I'm sure your boyfriend will be understanding. Being with someone you love can definitely be worth a little wait.
I'm hoping for all the best for you, Kirsty!
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kirsty
Saturday, July 05, 2008
10:05 am EST
| RE: Hey Guys
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Message:
I love you guys because no matter how down i feel coming here its so loving and postive and you guys really care its sweet... So i spent along time talking to my mummy this morning lol yes am 25 and still say mummy and iam going to look into doing a formal qulification in photograhy its my real passion and i could sit in a classroom and study for three years for a job am already mostly doing or i could go follow my dreams... its a scarey though because there might not be money to be made but am going for it wish me luck x x x
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smiley
Saturday, July 05, 2008
11:25 am EST
| RE: Hey Guys
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Message:
Hi Kirsty,sometimes we feel that life is unfair to us,we feel like giving up but,remember that behind each and every cloud,there's a silver lining awaiting for you.You have many more years ahead for you and i'm sure that things will turn out for the best for you and i hope that this will happen very shortly for you.keep on smiling,keep your head up and remember,life is full of surprises,very best of luck...
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kirsty
Saturday, July 05, 2008
5:04 pm EST
| RE: Hey Guys
IP: Logged
Message:
Am bugging phil to join us btw lol! so say hey phil everyone hehe x x x
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Laura
Monday, July 07, 2008
3:36 pm EST
| RE: Hey Guys
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Message:
Hi Kirsty.
Hey Phil.
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Cherieamour
Monday, July 07, 2008
4:01 pm EST
| RE: Hey Guys
IP: Logged
Message:
Hey there Phil.
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Erin
Monday, July 07, 2008
10:25 pm EST
| RE: Hey Guys
IP: Logged
Message:
Hey jazzy Phil.
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Crystal
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
12:31 am EST
| RE: Hey Guys
IP: Logged
Message:
Hey Kirsty and Phil!
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Lisa
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
11:06 am EST
| RE: Hey Guys
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Message:
Hi Kirsty, it's great to see you back and in love with Phil.
I hope you get a better job soon.
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Kelly
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
2:12 pm EST
| RE: Hey Guys
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Message:
Hey Kirsty.
I'm excited and happy that you and Phil are doing great.
Nobody should be treated like that on a job.
Hey Phil. Kirsty is way cool.
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